Take Small Steps: The Path to Deeper Connection
Empathy is often seen as a passive trait—something we either have or don’t. But true empathy is active, a skill that can be cultivated and strengthened with intention. It begins not by looking outward but by turning our attention inward. How can we deeply understand someone else's emotions if we haven't first made sense of our own?
Self-reflection and honest conversations with ourselves are the foundation for meaningful connections. When we take the time to explore our thoughts and emotions, we gather enough evidence to map out what others might be feeling, too. This is where empathy transforms from a concept into a practice.
Learn to Master Your Own Story: What is Empathy, Really?
Empathy is a state of body and mind where we choose to accept and understand another person’s story without rushing to fix, judge, or offer solutions. It’s the space we create where someone feels truly seen and heard, and in turn, we experience a deep sense of understanding. The quality of our conversations shifts when we engage with others from this place of clarity and openness.
Empathy is not about having the perfect words to say. It’s about offering presence over perfection, curiosity over certainty.
Gain Clarity and Feel Calm: How Do We Access Empathy?
Curiosity is the key that unlocks empathy. It starts with asking the right questions—both to ourselves and others.
✅ Shift from "Why did I do this?" to "What can I do differently next time?"
✅ Shift from "Why did they react like that?" to "How might they be feeling?"
✅ Shift from "What’s wrong with me?" to "What am I experiencing, and what do I need?"
When we reframe our self-talk with kindness, we create mental and emotional space for growth. Psychologist Gordon Gallup explains that once we become the object of our own attention—meaning we consciously observe and reflect on our emotions—we gain the ability to infer what others might be experiencing.
The way we treat ourselves internally becomes the way we show up for others externally.
Empathy Starts When…
Empathy begins the moment we replace self-judgment with self-inquiry. Instead of criticizing ourselves for our emotions, we can become curious about them.
Here’s a simple practice to develop inner empathy, which naturally extends into your conversations with others:
🟠 Pause and check in with yourself. How do you feel right now?
🟠 Name the emotion. Not just “I’m fine” or “I’m stressed.” Be specific—are you overwhelmed, uncertain, hopeful?
🟠 Ask yourself what you need. More time? Rest? Understanding? A new perspective?
🟠 Give yourself permission to feel without judgment. Your emotions are valid.
When we listen to our inner world without resistance, we become better at listening to others without defensiveness or distraction.
I Am NOT Empathic in a Conversation When…
🚫 I am formulating my response instead of truly listening.
🚫 I am waiting for my turn to talk rather than engaging in their story.
🚫 I dismiss their feelings because I see things differently.
🚫 I try to “fix” their emotions instead of acknowledging them.
Empathy is about being present, not perfect. It’s about caring more about understanding than being right.
Turn Insight into Action
📝 Take a moment to reflect. Write down your answers to these:
✔ Think back on the last year:
What are three things you have lost?
What are three things you have gained?
What did you imagine in your darkest moments?
What did you survive?
What are three challenges you have mastered?
What have been the consequences—good and bad?
✔ Look at the year ahead:
What is one thing you need to release?
What is one thing you want to develop?
What excites you?
What scares you?
Revisit your answers every few months. Growth happens when we observe ourselves with curiosity instead of criticism.
Feel Interested in Experiencing a Powerful Empathic Conversation?
Book your private 1:1 discovery session and unlock the power of truly being heard—and truly hearing others.
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